I know this might sound a bit shocking to some and could really offend others (there is really no other way to say it), but I really want this dead baby out of my body!!! There. I said it.
Before the doctor uttered the words out loud for all to hear, I knew there wasn’t a heartbeat in my ultrasound on Friday. I really wish my precious baby would have magically disappeared from my womb at that very moment. But, instead, I had to go home and deal with the fact that the soul of my baby is in the arms of Jesus while its mortal body is still here…in my uterus.
This idea really creeps me out.
Each passing day has been increasingly more difficult than the day before. Why does this process have to be so hard? It’s one thing to lose a child so early in a pregnancy and have to deal with grief. It’s a totally other issue to have to deal with the remains of a baby that is still in utero. I know it’s really common for people to have miscarriages, and I don’t know why this thought never crossed my mind until this weekend. So, thankfully, my D&C is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I anticipate feeling better once the procedure is complete…and I can have my body back…and not feel like a walking coffin anymore.
However, I think tomorrow afternoon is when reality will hit my husband. Then it will be his turn to grieve. We like to take turns when these sort of things happen. I’m thankful that he is in my life. I don’t know how I would do this alone.