The house is very quiet. Except for the gentle hum coming from my bedroom. From an air conditioner that’s perfectly perched in the window. It sits there, relentlessly working to cool my room, as I type out my thoughts in the silence of my humble abode.
As I sit in my quiet room, I’m excited by what I see. I’ve been working on my “Mom Cave” for the last two weeks. It’s coming along perfectly. I’m not sure what I will create in this room (or what will happen from day to day), but what I do know is that I will spend a lot of time being quiet in this room. A room where I can go and be alone in my thoughts. Sometimes, it scares me when I think about the things that might surface in the silence. Nonetheless, I’m confident that the Lord has gone before me and has prepared a place for such a time as this. I’ve spent a great deal of time learning about being still and what it means to rest. I want to master the fine art of the Sabbath, God’s gift to mankind. I want to be able to sit in the silence. To listen. And wait. I already know there will be times in my silence that will require a response. Other times, I will just enjoy the stillness. Today is one of those days.
It is quiet now. Except for the thought that my husband is going to be gone for four days. He is on camping trip with three of his friends. It will be good for him to get away and be refreshed by the great outdoors with other menfolk. I’m sure they will encounter times of laughter and times of silence. It will be good. As they walked out the door, I heard they will be eating pie for dinner, so I’m looking forward to the many stories that will happen (the ones that always come about when you spend too much time with a group of people). I pray that their time together will be one that they can look back and smile at all the great memories that were formed in that particular space and time; in the stillness of the forest.
I close my eyes and enjoy my current stillness. Naomi has finally settled down in her bed for an afternoon nap. I can hear her gentle breathing over the baby monitor. I can imagine her soft cheeks pressed up against the mattress and a small stream of drool coming off her lips. She is such a sweet little girl. I am a better person because of her presence in my life. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I deserve to be her mom. But, alas, God knew we needed each other. That I was the only one for her and she the only one for me.
It is in my current silence that I’m also reminded of the fact that there is a tiny life growing inside me. How can something so tiny make me so extremely uncomfortable? Yesterday, I asked the doctor if he could perform an ultrasound during my appointment (just to make sure I wasn’t having twins). He confirmed I was only having one. He also told me that I was three weeks behind my original due date (which moved me from 9 weeks to 6 weeks…my due date moved from Easter to Cinco de Mayo). At a mere 6 weeks, this baby is only the size of a lentil. It will be a celebration indeed when this child arrives. I can feel it already.
In the quiet of the afternoon, alone in my room, I can spend some time reflecting on the mysteries of God. How He is present in the very moments of conception. The moments where Science cannot explain the miracle that takes place in a mother’s womb. God is in the silence of my day today. I am grateful for His presence. It encourages my heart and silences my mind when I rest in his presence. I should do this more often. Hopefully, I will learn how to do this before I add another child. However, if I don’t, there will be many opportunities to try again later. For now, I will rest in the fact that I enjoyed it for today. Tomorrow is another story yet to be written.