I usually hate doing the laundry, but today was different. It’s amazing how a few loads of laundry can change a person’s heart in an instant…especially when you wash baby clothes.
The idea of having a baby feels a bit surreal to me. People ask me if I’m “ready to have this baby” and I never really know how to answer this question. I suppose I’m ready…I have all the “stuff” I need. But if we’re going to be honest here, my heart really isn’t ready.
I am not ready to give up my lifestyle and the life that I’ve grown accustomed to. I like being in charge of when I go to bed and when I wake up…when I eat or how long I can hang out with friends. Selfish…I know…but all month I kept thinking about the things I was going to miss out on once the baby was born.
Until I did the laundry.
My baby will wear these socks that I worked so hard to match together. My baby will wear the clothes that neatly I put away in the closet. My baby will look at me with love in it’s eyes as I hold it in the blankets that I carefully washed and set beside my bed. And my husband and I will love and cherish a life that we’ve created…and there’s no words to describe that love until it actually happens. (Even then, I’m not so sure anyone has been able to accurately describe the deep love they have for their child.) And to begin to feel this deep love, one must experience a change in their life…a child must enter the picture.
In theory, I like change…but I’ve come to realize that my husband is right…I hate change. And that is the thing that was holding me back from looking forward to having a baby. All I could think about was the opportunities and freedom that will be robbed from me as soon as the baby is born.
After doing the laundry today I got a glimpse of my life and all the amazing things that will be added to it…instead of thinking about all the things that will be taken away.