Who Am I Kidding, Anyway?

— Dana

Aaron and I decided to open all the curtains today, so we could let the beautiful sunlight shine through our home. He went downstairs to work and I decided to lay on the couch and spend some time in quiet prayer and contemplation. The cat, like normal, saw a great opportunity to jump up on my lap (he seems to be starved for attention since we got the dog…once the baby’s born, he’ll be one sad little kitty).

Lately, my lap has been occupied by this belly of mine…and there’s little room for anything else. Since I was lying on my back, Figaro saw an opportunity to lay on my belly. His entire body was vibrating with joy as he settled down and purred with great satisfaction because he was near the one female he loves most. Soon, the baby kicked both legs and moved both arms…which created this amazing rumble in my tummy. The cat immediately stopped purring and gazed into my eyes with what I can only interpret as fear or confusion. I am sure he was saying…”What the hell was that?”

I laughed. The cat went back to sleep.

Time passed and eventually the dryer’s buzzer went off…telling me it was time to put the laundry away. I brought it into my bedroom and started folding clothes on my bed. As I stood in the sunlight, soaking in the Vitamin D, I began to notice that all my clothes were exclusively pregnancy clothes. It was finally time to make room in my closet and put away all my pre-pregnancy outfits.

Who am I kidding, anyway?

My shirts and sweaters don’t cover my belly. My pants won’t zip up or button at the top. I can’t put on any of my belts…and I really don’t care to put them on either. They are just taking up space and blocking me from what I really want to wear…clothes that stretch, expand, cover and fit. So, today, in the beautiful sunlight, I put away clothes that I wore just a few months ago.

I mourned putting away my favorite clothes. The sun continued to shine down on me.

The baby is moving and others can feel it. The baby is growing and others can see it. In a mere 2 months, I will be able to hold this moving, growing baby. In a mere 2 months, I can hopefully stand in the sunlight and try to embrace this change…that is going to happen whether I want change or not. I just hope I can do it with as much grace and joy as I did today.