They Drip

— Dana

I’ve been a freelance designer for over a year now. It has been the best experience of my life. Until…August rolled around. I’m down to my last few pennies from design jobs and I have to pay bills today (thank God Aaron has his steady income or I would starve).To top it off, I’ve been trying to finish a few design jobs since I got pregnant, but the designs are slow. They drip. The designs have been slow for over a month now. I slash. They drip. I scream. They drip. I panic. They drip.

I sleep.

They drip.

Oh, for a fire hydrant of ideas…not just messy designs that spray every where, but a concentrated force strong enough to cut through steel or knock a door down.

Damn.

I need to finish those designs.

Should I look for a part-time job? A full-time job? Something that can offer me a steady paycheck and I can just file papers?

I’m going to have a child in less than 5 months. I want to stay home. Call that pride or stubbornness or foolishness…and maybe it’s all of those…but for me, the thought of being a stay-at-home mom is always in the back of my head.

And so is designing.

In the end, I wanted this freelance thing so badly that I tried to bully God, bully everyone, into doing what I wanted. “Love and peace or else.” That sort of a thing. But it doesn’t work that way. I’ll dutifully finish any outstanding freelance work, but I feel as though my days as a freelance designer are numbered.

And that might be a good thing.

Sometimes there’s something better waiting.

In the mean time, the ideas just drip…when I need them to be gushers.

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