Fun Things To Do

— Aaron

It’s pretty much summer, and so I thought I’d compile a list of “Summer Fun” things to do, for the late evenings, the kids out of school, and those precious 3-day weekends.

  • Buy one of those ridiculously large boxes of Otter pops and invite the whole block to eat as many as possible as quickly as possible. Crown the last one standing “Tyrant of Summer fun,” and present them with this list, preferably two or three copies.
  • Visit Iceland.
  • Say “No pun intended,” at least once per conversation, when there is no pun at all.
  • Find every public pool in a 20-mile radius and swim in them all in one day.
  • Call everyone “Chief.”
  • Purchase orange hazard cones and re-route entire city streets in the middle of the night.
  • Make a fake list of summer fun things to do.
  • Demand that everyone refer to you as “Conquistador.”
  • Hide.
  • Find every lake in a 20-mile radius and swim in them all in one day.
  • Build an exact 1:100 scale replica of the Statue of Liberty in your backyard out of barbecue coals. (Kingsford brand, preferably)
  • Write a poem.
  • Study your local bird species and see if you can spot each of them throughout the summer, so you can throw rocks at them.
  • Make fresh hot apple cider.
  • Watch a muppet movie with the sound off and see if you can read Kermit’s lips.
  • Find every river in a 20-mile radius and swim them all in one day.
  • Speak in an outrageous French accent, but only to people actually visiting from French-speaking countries.
  • Wear a cape.
  • Never break eye contact. Ever.
  • Grow a beard.
  • Find every fountain in a 20-mile radius and swim in them all in one day.
  • Finally train your cat to not jump on your table/counter/whatever surface you don’t want your cat getting on using the following method:
    1. Arrange grid of cellophane tape, sticky side up, leaving approximately 2 inches between each strip of tape.
    2. Carefully pour a small amount of water in each of the empty squares left by the tape.
    3. Watch your cat jump on the table. Preferably, while capturing a video of it.
    4. Put this video on YouTube.
    5. Post a comment on this blog, with a link to the video.
  • Start a bonfire with all the old magazines and newspapers you happen to have, and time your local fire department. Check their response times for your backyard, the local neighborhood park, the local grocery store parking lot, the closest business district and outside the local fireworks stand.
  • Find every ice cream shop in a 20-mile radius and swim in them all in one day.
  • Grow sideburns so wide that you get kicked out of at least one business because of them. Continue to grow them until someone threatens legal action.
  • Perfect your fake Canadian accent: say “eh” after most sentences, and pronounce “about” so that it rhymes with “a flute.” If proficient in fake Canadian, try fake Hungarian.
  • Write a postcard to your 4th grade teacher and thank them for teaching you long-division. If in the 4th grade, or prior, write a postcard to the ancient Sumerians thanking them for inventing the process of long-division that you will eventually learn in the 4th grade, and then never do afterwards.
  • Stay inside all day.
  • Write, direct, star in, film, produce, promote and distribute a movie with your cell phone.
  • Capture and domesticate an otter, keep it as a pet.
  • Pretend to have a limp. If anyone notices, or gives you attention for it, promptly stop – this is a secret-pretend-limp, and no one else is supposed to know about it.
  • Make miniature snow men from the frost in your freezer. If you have one of the non-frosting kinds, you’re just out of luck.
  • Give up legumes for a week.
  • Find every organic food store in a 20-mile radius and swim in them all in one day.
  • Iron your socks.
  • Eat cantaloupe like it’s watermelon, and watermelon like it’s honeydew.
  • Make your own Texas-grill-style Fritos, by seasoning and grilling regular-flavored Fritos.
  • And finally, see how many sweaters you can wear at once.
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One thought on “Fun Things To Do

  1. This is great! I never knew there was so much fun to be had. Thanks to you, I now have a good reason to fulfill my secret dream of growing a beard. 🙂

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