I’ve been really frustrated lately. My compassion occasionally grants people the right to walk all over me. My ambition sometimes chokes my relationships, because I forget to slow down and really see people. My goal of excellence pushes me too far, and before I know it I’m expecting perfection from others and myself. My optimism causes me to be hurt by life’s disappointments and failures. My feisty character sometimes causes me to say or do things I regret later. My thirst for knowledge often turns to arrogance. My desire to be known sometimes causes me to act self-important. My self-consciousness prompts me to hide. My independent spirit sometimes alienates people when I actually really need them.
It seems like lately I’ve been erring on the wrong side of my personality, like life is all leaning in one direction, like gravity is pulling me downward when I’d really like to learn how to fly. I’m discovering more and more flaws, more and more things I need to work through.
And I cry out to God to heal me, to give me wisdom in the complexities of life, to grant me the courage and humility to apologize, to allow me to see myself truthfully. Yet, I’m still wrong sometimes. I hurt other people. I hurt myself. I hurt God.
My life is so busy all the time and the last thing I’ve done is take the much needed time to heal deep wounds that I’ve been carrying around for so long. I’m ready to examine and look deep into my heart and once and for all ask Jesus to begin mending my soul back together. Jesus longs to take my pain, my brokenness and to make me whole again. I just need to stop for a while and repent, and lay it all at His feet. To finally ask for true healing…
So, I am taking a sabbatical from blogging, myspace , facebook and email. I seem to have this problem with being overly sensitive (ie getting my feelings hurt over little things) and am having some struggles in life. I need to make some changes…and I think this is where it has to start…for a while…until the Lord brings about some true healing in my heart.
I need to pray and think about some things that have happen in my life the past few months…the Lord is calling me to live a different life than I have this past year. I have some strong holds and some insecurities that He needs to change in me. I will be back soon…when I can learn to be a better and stronger person.
Blessings in the mean time…