Cap’n Crunch

ā€” Aaron

Where does Cap’n Crunch get those crunchberries? As a pirate/raider/sea captain, does he have time to tend to orchards or berry patches? I doubt it. I think he’s pillaging the smurfs! He seems almost as obsessed with his crunchberries as they do with their smurfberries.

I bet crunchberries are just dried smurfberries. It all makes sense; the Cap’n, on one of his violent raids, comes upon the smurfs and their berries. He gets as many berries as he can (so as to avoid scurvy), and they dry out on the deck of his ship, while he’s sailing the seven seas and all. He eats the dried out berries, and realizes he could make a fortune hooking kids on the sugary-sweetness of them.

All on the backs of the exploited, hard-working smurfs… How sad.