SUVs

— Aaron

Why are Trucks deemed manly, and SUV’s womanly? I don’t know if everyone thinks that way, but I get that feeling. I realize that SUV’s are the “new minivans”, but I think they should still hold some “tough” status.

They’re big, and truck-like (both manly qualities) and they consume a lot of gas (a quality of most other manly vehicles). A lot of them have 4 wheel drive, and you can go out and drive through the wilderness with them, usually without worrying about your vehicle falling apart or high-centering, but they’re still unmanly. I think that’s odd.

But, I think their downfall from manliness, is that they can be quite practical: they have room for kids and groceries and the like. Men, apparently, are supposed to have vehicles that serve as little practical purpose as possible. Such as trucks, which usually take more gas than most other vehicles, and yet only seat a few folks. Or fast sports cars, which seat nearly 2 people, and can go 400 miles per hour. Or motorcycles that you don’t want to ride in the colder weather.

So, if your a guy, and you have an SUV, and you want it to be deemed manly, here’s a few ideas:

  1. Put a plow blade on the front of it, and leave it there year-round. (Extra manly, if you don’t live where there’s snow.)
  2. Keep it covered in mud.
  3. Cut off the upper half of the back part, so that it’s shaped like a truck.
  4. Put a spoiler on it, so that it looks like a sports car.
  5. Wear a sweet, biker-dude helmet while driving it.
  6. Steal a deer-crossing sign and bolt it to the hood.
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